Yknow how I blogged in the previous post about how I feel purposeless and useless in life now that everyone's gotten a job except for me? Yeah well the real reason I haven't really bothered about jobs is cos I don't wanna get one just for the sake of earning money. Which is what everyone seems to be doing, and why most people are working in F&B places. Yes I'm one of those idealistic people who will only look for jobs that I'll love doing, ie. working in a museum or a music store or a book store. I'm not gonna do it for the money, or just so that I can keep myself occupied in this 8-month long break cos I think I can pretty much do that by reading or watching TV/movies or exploring Singapore everyday. It's why I wanna do Anthro and History, despite the poor career prospects people have been warning me about. I'm not a realistic person who thinks about money issues, and I don't think I ever will be until I'm in my 30s, jobless and unable to pay for a home and daily necessities. It's why, during ordinary school days, whenever people started talking about being lawyers or having whatever professional high-paying occupation, wanting to earn $30K a month, I'd freak out. Because I'm just never gonna be that ambitious, or have that garang lawyer/banker/business-woman streak in me. Which is kinda sad when we live in a garang society, and everyone around me seems to be that cut-copy version of a garang, pragmatic, money-concerned Singaporean, and I'm the only one who still believes in ideals and in doing what I love. Remember the post a while back ago on how we met our History teachers for lunch as A's were ending, and Mr Goh was giving all of us a lift back home? During that drive, when only Ho Kit and I were left in Mr Goh's car, I asked Mr Goh what he was gonna do during the school hols and he asked me back if I was gonna start working. I said something about how I just wanted to chill after everything I'd been through the past 2 years, ie. jc and A Levels. And then Ho Kit and Mr Goh went all judge-y on me and decided among themselves that I was one of those girls who needed to be a tai-tai. But anyway my point is that even before A's ended and everyone got jobs and made me start thinking about getting one myself, I already knew that I was never gonna get a job just for money. It's who I am, and I could never change right? Whatever happened to people who believed in living life to the fullest, doing things we love and not giving a shit about others???? It sucks that I'm the only one left in this pragmatic world who still believes in ideals over the realities of life.

Anyway, with all that said, I am now starting to contemplate looking for a job just to have an excuse to get away from the house. Because now that I'm home everyday, my parents start blaming me for not clearing up the house or washing stuff or whatever household chore which I've never in my life done before and was never taught/told to do before. I mean, WHAT UP, now that I'm done with school I'm supposed to automatically become an adult and do adult things? It's like a parent bringing a 5-year-old kid to the pool and suddenly throwing this kid into the pool without warning and expecting the kid to automatically float. But anyway, the point of being an adult, how do you know when you're one? When are you expected to become one? With everyone suddenly rushing to take up jobs too, whyyyyyyyyy? Why do 18-year-olds, fresh from jc waiting to enter uni, suddenly take on adult roles of getting jobs and earning money, instead of seeing this time as a long school break between jc and uni? People, when they grow up, how do they decide that they wanna marry, move out and start their own family? It's crazy, where life goes. And I have no fucking idea what I'm gonna do with my life at this stage, let alone in the future. At this point, I just hafta say again how much I miss the comforts of school and the education system telling me what to do and where to go.

Since the last time I blogged, I've finished reading Kazuo Ishiguro's When We Were Orphans, which is the latest book to be added to my list of favourite books. Yay I like getting new books, reading them then adding them to my list of favourite books (like on FB hahaha)! I'm also starting to contemplate going to church on weekdays, if I'm not out gallivanting. Perhaps it's good to find a spiritual side in me. Maybe I could also start exploring other churches in Singapore, whether Catholic or not. Because churches are beautiful places aren't they, with different architecture and architectural influences? Yknow how in UK, some gigs are held at churches? Like how Laura Marling had a UK church tour? I wish I could go for one some day. Anyway I realised that I really love looking at architecture. Not of ordinary buildings, but old buildings. Of say, museums and shophouses and churches and temples. That's why I like exploring Chinatown, that's why I like traveling, that's why I want so badly to run away to Europe, where it's filled with old buildings and charming architecture. I wanna travel, I just wanna travel.

So, 2012 has been really shitty so far. Plans to find myself and to explore the world are non-existent. I think 2012's only gonna get worse from here. I should really pray and find my spiritual side. Also, a part of me wishes that the Mayans' prediction would come true :(

12:39 AM;